Intrusive thoughts won

That’s assault, brotha

MILWAUKEE – The young woman inside the Italian sausage costume says she’ll accept an apology from Pittsburgh first baseman Randall Simon, but all she really wants is the bat he swatted her with as she ran past the Pirates’ dugout.

With one swing Wednesday night, Simon sent 19-year-old Mandy Block tumbling to the ground in the heavy costume. A fellow racer dressed as a hot dog also fell.

Simon, cited for disorderly conduct and fined $432, issued a public apology before leaving town after the Pirates’ 5-4 victory over the Brewers on Thursday. Block said a team representative told her Simon would call her Friday to apologize.

“One of the public relations ladies called me and she talked to me and she was really nice and offered a lot and said, ‘Anytime you’re in Pittsburgh … the best seat in the house is yours,”’ Block said at her South Milwaukee home Thursday night.

“But all I wanted was the bat.” She and the other racer, Veronica Piech, had the day off Thursday from their jobs with the Brewers, but they planned to return Friday. Block said she was told that bats autographed by Simon would be waiting at Miller Park, and hers would be the same bat Simon swung at her Wednesday night. The sausage race, a fan favorite since 1995, features team employees dressed as an oversized bratwurst, hot dog, Italian sausage and Polish sausage.

Simon said he was just playing around. “I thought at the moment they were trying to play with us. They were running right next to the players,” he said. “I’m a fun player, and I’ve never hurt anyone in my life.”

Simon appeared in the district attorney’s office Thursday. Deputy District Attorney Jon Reddin said after reviewing the tape and interviewing the women he would not file criminal charges.

“It’s such a silly little thing, you know,” Block said. “I can see both point of views. … From my point of view, it’s crazy because I am not used to like being interviewed or anything. I’m like, ‘I’m just a sausage, guys. It’s not a big deal. I’m fine.”’

Block, who has worked for two summers as a member of the Brewers’ on-field promotional team, said it’s normal for opposing teams to throw peanuts or squeeze water bottles at them.

“I saw the bat before I got to him. I thought he was just going to fake me out,” said Block, who stands 5-foot-3. “I am real little and I didn’t take the blow very well.”

Block said the blow didn’t hurt because it hit the head section of the costume, which is above her head. The Pirates apologized and said the team does not condone Simon’s behavior and will address the issue internally.

This spawned one if the all-time great lot-shirts

For whatever reason I remembered it being a much more violent swing but it was more so a love tap

The Italian seems to always be in the controversy

This is why my fantasy baseball teams are always named Simon’s Sausage Beaters.

This story absolutely dominated ESPN for a few days when it happened

Mandy should throw out the first pitch at one of these World Series games and have Randall be the catcher

One of the Pirates just slugged the Italian with a bat

Those Pirates jerseys 🤩

Genuinely what was this guy thinking that could have caused a serious injury

The world will never know the joy of Ketchup/Mustard/Relish races

Lol I was at this game. We were ready to storm the oppo dugout

I was kinda hopin they’d invite him back last night