Bill Simmons on Caleb Wilson: “If I was a Bulls fan I would have no sperm left in my body. It would just be ejaculate in every room of my house.”
This could make him the greatest bust of all time
Your best work
Reporter: “Caleb. Bill Simmons is on record saying that you are a giant cum blast for the Bulls organization. What are your thoughts on that?”
Excellent work 👌🏾
Simmons is about to bust, so maybe you’re onto something.
I can’t dislike your comment enough
Prime example of r/yourjokebutworse
It’s premature for sure
You have no idea what you’re talking about. This could be the second cumming of Michael Jordan. They have something great in their hands, let’s hope they don’t just make a mess.
First time was half a century ago when Jordan was 12, in middle school
Then the Bulls will really have a mess on their hands.
Caleb Wilson may also be a great player, too.
My man
“Golf clap?”
“Golf clap.”
we don’t need to say that
BUT WE CAN FEEL IT
The southpark dude sitting on the chair comes to mind.
Put some respect on Randy Marsh’s name!
When they all lost the internet and Stan decides to use it lol
It was a spooky ghost.
DOWN IN MY PLUUUUMS
BUT WE CAN FEEL SMELL IT
No one ever really needs to say that. Just the image of Bill walking around his house spraying rooms like an angry skunk is horrific.
I just imagined it and laughed a little bit.
Like he’s the the guy from Scary Movie.
Not in real life.
I’ll say some off the counter shit but none of you know who I am.
This is wild even for Billy boy
Bill Simmons is on reddit every day, no other explanation for this
Do you think Bill is a little weird about potential All-Stars?
I don’t know, didn’t he beat one to death?
Over……what was it again?
Too much onions or somethin
Very allegorical.
not even batman could get this one out of me, wtf
This is the adult podcast where we can say whatever the hell we want
Big fat load of cum then
Do any of these fuckers
A big fat syrupy nut bust. The kind u can smell
“jizz”
It’s a free flowing conversation that occasionally touches on mature subjects.
It moves to the beat of jazz
Oh this is more than touching
Somewhere along the way our wires got crossed
With what Batman has in his utility belt he’d get every drop out of you let’s be for real here
nah, I’d be his reason to break his no-killing rule or something
You’d be Darkside?
What a weird thing to say lol
You don’t have a jizz room?
I have a whole jizz house
Imagine being jizz house rich
A whole room, in this economy?
Just a shoebox
No
Shows what goes on in his mind …
did he forget he was live on air?
Bill is so corny trying to viral lol
His columns from like 30 years ago were like this, regularly haha. It’s just who he is!
Wtf does podcasting do to people’s brains.
This is very in line with what he would write before podcasting was ever a thing
I was gonna say, Bill has been like this well before his Podfather days
gear them to farm all engagement all the time
What does writing for page 2 do to people’s brains…
Hyperbole is the new hot take
*Bart Simpson Gif* What an Odd Thing to say….
And they say Simmons has lost his fastball.
Still throwing high 90’s with an occasional triple digit bomb.
I think this more his slider. Mason Miller esque.
Bang! Bang! Bang! Oh what a shot by Simmons! And another shot! He puts it in!
Because no one actually listens to his podcasts. They just jump on viral clips
It was a… Spooky ghost… Uh… The ectoplasm!
On The League they called it, “a spiderman”…Ghostbusters works, too. 👻
That should’ve just stayed in your head Bill
Bro wants to be bill clinton
Or pants
Make this man the President.
nah we already have a president with zero self restraint
Can Celtics trades be unwound via Executive Order?
We’re about to find out!
The other Bill already covered that (literally)
If BS was president, would that be part of his Apex Mountain?
Only if he appointed a Sports Czar
Mr big cummer
Mr Boner Champ
Mr. Basted Ceiling
Mr Bukakke Champ
Dr. Gamete Wallpaper, Esquire
Oh yeah, he’s definitely hanging out with Adam too much.
Bulls fans can be excited about Wilson, but I really do think the hype is a bit much. People are out there comparing him to Kevin Garnett. Not only do I not really get that comparison, but we need to see Wilson play real NBA games before we start anointing him as the next star. Let’s all remember that Marco Belinelli looked like a cross between Steph Curry and Kobe Byrant in his Summer League.
So Wilson is a good prospect, but let’s just see how he does before making big pronouncements about his career. We’ve been hurt before. I’m looking at you, Tyrus Thomas.
Shut up and jizz yourself
but I really do think the hype is a bit much.
Nah, I think he has the highest ceiling in this draft. Not as sure a thing to get there as Dybantsa, but I would’ve taken him #2.
I don’t care about summer league - it’s garbage basketball, and like you said, summer league stars do nothing all the time.
But I watched the guy play a bunch in college last year and I just love how smart and utterly consistent he was for an 18 year old. Guys like that don’t fail. He was also such a difference maker at the highest level - the Tar Heels were terrific with him and not very good without him.
I know the Bulls draft/development history leaves a lot to be desired, but I think they finally got one right.
Isn’t the Summer League way more reliable now?
Can’t really remember the last major Summer League disappointment, or even the last post-Summer League fall off… it’s been a while.
Chris Duarte?
Not the type of player that I was thinking about, but that’s a good pull. However, I think the point still stands.
Welp thats enough Reddit for the year
I need someone to photoshop one of those ESPN graphics “no sperm left”
ayo in every room?
No, he’s on the twolves now.
The jizz room
Can confirm
Desperate for the aggregation
Bill Simmons is a confirmed gooner
So many different ways to express this sentiment and he chose this way.
Outjerked by Bill Simmons
Comparing amateurs to a pro apparently
What is genuinely wrong with this man? He’s in his 50s talking like this.
Cost 0 dollars to say this but he said it anyway
Bill did admit to spousal assault in his book of basketball and has stayed close friends with Adam Carolla.
Calling him weird would be nice.
What was the assault?
Kyle turn the sperm camera on
Thought I was in r/nbacirclejerk for a minute, Bill is absolutely wild for saying that out loud 😂
Pause
Bill Simmons used to have great writing talent and now resorts to clip farming. Media is so cooked
Lol… this is completely in line with the way he wrote 25 years ago
This is the sort of thing that would get Simmons to go “Yep, these are my readers” back when he wrote columns.
I dyslexic read this as Ben Simmons saying this and it was actually less weird than this.
Completely fucks up the player eval then says some completely out of pocket shit. Yeah that’s the quality I’ve come to expect from Bill Simmons.
My goat still has it
I fucking hate this dude lol
No. Just no, Bill.
Let this be a lesson for him.
Every room doesn’t this guy have multiple kids
“Honey! Send the kids to you Mom’s house. The bulls are playing!!”
WHAT
What in tarnation
Ahjackilit?
There was a ghost! This is ectoplasm!
Wtf did he just say that lol
Low Class
c’mon man
Dont tempt him
stop
Old white dudes are the weirdest people on earth
can confirm
Is he gay ?
Bill look unwell. I’m guessing alcoholism.
Blue Chew on the phone with Bill rn 😭
Unhinged lmao
What
I love Bill so much lmao
bro, what?
Brother what
This is so ITYSL coded
Wait…what, so basically bill Simmons goons to nba players? Not shocked
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
What a weird thing to say.
Simmons still got it. In fact he never lost it.
The fuck..
Sports personalities are barely human
I think he is shawn kemp with a 3 point shot which is beyond dangerous!
Can’t have AJ and Wilson be Tmac. I do like a taller Shai comp for AJ. I think if people knew Caleb was gonna hit 3s like that he might have been 1b….
Sir, this is a Wendy’s.
Cirrossis Bill have another one
I been saying he’s gonna be best player from this draft
The more I read the comments, it starting dawning on me that he may have actually said that and this isn’t a shit post. So yall made me watch the video. Did this dude just did this?
Yes
The mind of a Nets hater
If he’s saying shit like this now imagine the pod in 10 years when early onset dementia sets in
Been doing that for years before the Bulls even drafted him.
Jeez, Bill.
You have been a journalist for more than a couple of decades, pretend that it’s your job to choose a better way of articulating yourself. /S
Ummm..gross?
I thought Bulls fans were already like that
Lmao bro chill
Has Bill Simmons been neurologically affected by his anesthesia cuz wtf
He said Caleb Wilson is like GoLYTLEY for his balls. Wow
…What?
What the fuck
I just got new floors, this man cannot come over to my house. Jesus
I don’t know why everybody here is so uptight…that was hilarious 😂
No wonder he hired van, goons of a feather 🪶
Bill Simmons what a nut
I see these type of comments on here all the time, its not nearly as weird as hearing it out loud
Ejackalit?
Not everything needs a reaction, Bill
Whatttttt??
This guy is an absolute asshole. Disgusting.
The amount of homoeroticism in the NBA is pretty wild. People just need to come out of the closet and let it be out there
What a fucking weirdo
weird comment aside anyone else not understand his tmac comparison either? like I really dont see that at all
this in the t5 of Simmons quotes
I’m not saying that we should talk like Shakespeare or something, but I’m getting pretty tired of this being the standard way of expressing ourselves nowadays.
Shut your fuck hole
Mandatory fuck bill simmons
Old man needs to stop ODing on viagra
Blue chew*
We’re talking about the same asshole who said this about Gloria James:
“Quote from Mike Tirico: “There (LeBron) is with his Mom, Gloria. Gloria sacrificed a lot. Gave birth to LeBron when she was 16 … on their own at 19, living on assistance, food stamps, and now here they are … it’s a great American story.”
(What about parents who stayed together, worked hard, provided for their children and put them through school? Since when did not practicing birth control and lucking out because of DNA become a “sacrifice”? I’m confused. Let’s just move on.)”