[First Take] “Imagine every woman you date. When your done dating her. The next dude she dates, she marries. That’s the Minnesota Timberwolves.”
amazing analysis. no notes. so engaging, espn
I think it’s funny when this sub disses ESPN for jokes in the offseason when everyday on this sub I see the most lame and unfunny posts in the offseason.
Facts and this is actually funny too
are they not allowed to tell jokes?
Who wins? This, or Colin Cowherd’s divorce analogies?
Under this analogy Jimmy Butler got engaged twice…with the same girl
And dated another girl before that one and got his heart broken in the most painful way.
Jimmy too self-absorbed unfortunately. Justified but the man loves himself too much
The Timberwolves are a shitty early aughts Dane Cook movie?
Good Luck Chuck was exactly what came to my mind lmao
lol, still remember when Dane Cook was poppin off. Employee of the Month with jessica simpson
Flash animation Dane Cook skits was my brain rot growing up 😭😭
Mine was the halo machinimas with dane cook bits. Probably the hardest laughs ive ever had as a kid
I actually liked that movie when I was younger lol. He really was having a moment.
It’s not a bad rewatch tbh
His best movie is Mr. Brooks. He actually did a really good job in it.
I thought he was good in Dan In Real Life
I’m not gonna take this disrespect to My Best Friends Girl
Goated soundtrack. Sondre Lerche rips
Yes. Good Luck Chu.. Timberwolves.
Are you saying they get Jessica Alba in the end?
jessica alba 😋
Incredible reference actually
I remember liking that movie lol
But, you’re probably not wrong
Why is Vince Goodwill like this?
He wasn’t like this in his previous gigs from what I recall, I think he just has to play up the espn thing now
Yeah I think he’s fully trying to be a permanent hot take fixture on ESPN
I mean this isn’t a hot take tho? He’s just answering the question of which city he thinks “deserves” an NBA title in a semi funny way lol? I don’t know why this thread seems so offended lol.
Yeah thats how I took it too. He was just trying to express pity with mild comedy
everybody who goes on ESPN is like this
Doris Burke during games is just trying to make audio clips for tik tok and Ig highlights. she goes on podcasts and she’s literally insightful as fuck
ESPN - Enshittification of Sports PBroadcasting Network
That’s what ESPN does to people. Dan Orlovsky did the same thing.
Dudes so fucking vapid I can’t with him
Is this guy airing his own dirty laundry on live TV?
Red flags couldn’t be redder than this dude
His take is hilarious. NGL. y’all need to lighten up.
was he always like this? or did he see his stupid “participation trophy” take go viral and decided to play up the dumb takes?
It gets the people talking I guess
I didn’t even hear of him until 2 days ago and I watch more ESPN/FS1 than I’d like to admit.
Look, he’s a fine reporter and good on the Hoop Collective. He’s not spouting off about running for president. They need off season content and this has happened to the Timberwolves multiple times.
I think all of this is okay. It’s not great but it’s not hurting anyone.
I don’t understand, what did he do wrong? Have a normal cheeky comparison?
Does he ever blink?
Nope big bug eye look all the time.
He is like this when he appears on Bomani show to.
Because it gets people like you reacting to, commenting on and engaging with posts about what he says.
Sacramento Kings Fired Coaches That Won a Championship With Their Next Team Guild has entered the chat.
This dude Vic Goodman sucks so bad. Awful takes and seems not authentic.
First take and its spin offs need to be blasted off to the sun
Real talk, does anyone actively watch this garbage? Or is it solely for dudes at the gym who left their headphones at home and preteens home sick from school
I can’t remember the last time I watched that sports slop fest. Shit even people Iat work that are into sports never mention that shit
It’s on in every sports bar (I’m unemployed so I day drink sometimes). It’s usually Pat McAfee’s dumb crew, but the sound is never on so I like to make up my own words.
ESPN is designed to be watched with the sound off as you get drunker. Having the sound on misses the point and makes the experience actively worse.
Well, it got posted here and upvoted enough to be near the top of the page so even on this sub there are enough dumbasses to perpetuate it.
No one really knows how popular it truly is - ESPN has a huge market share and they put the first take content first and basically force you to watch it. It’s all the auto load content , top videos on the app , etc. ESPN has some of the worst market research of any media company on the planet - so they probably believe it’s popular with people and it’s not because of the forced /top interactions with their content.
ESPN had first take videos on auto load for a long time in the app and there was probably some braindead executive screaming about how popular Stephen A is because he had 1 billion auto loaded plays that no one wanted.
Also, I think ESPN does understand that people generally don’t watch their cable channel at home anymore. So they probably believe they need this garbage hot take content to entertain people who view it for short periods of time (in a bar, etc)
It’s TV talk radio, it’s not some quality analysis. If you treat it like Colin Cowherd it’s fine and has a place.
They add nothing except some funny clips. And even then, the clips haven’t been hitting in a while
If I had a nickel for every time the Minnesota Timberwolves trade a star PF to an Eastern Conference team and they go on to win the championship I’d have 10 cents
It isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it’s happened twice
If you classify KAT as a PF, make it 15 cents
KAT, KG, Kevin Love. Don’t short change yourself, grab that extra nickel
It’s so weird that until very very recently our three best players were power forwards with great range who’s first name started with K.
Kevin Love, Kevin Garnett, Kev Anthony Towns
Kev Towns instead of Karl Towns. I like that
Jimmy also almost got one.
Yeah, which one was that?
If you want to give every other team material, you can point out that there are only 4 Timberwolves who have ever made multiple All Star Games: Those 3 and Edwards.
Is KAT not primarily a center?
Forgot about Kevin love
It’s happened 3 times
We thank you for taking Julius. You guys wouldn’t want to give us back Donte would you?
Sure, for OG
I thought we were friends!
We are friends but yall just won a title 😂 help a Wolfa out
Wolfa implies the existence of wolfer as a horrid slur
I mean you did JUST win. Dont be greedy.
YOU BETTA STOP OG
15 cents
… So someone in the East should trade for Randle?
He wasn’t “home grown” talent like the others so no chip buff!
Anthony Edwards ring for who?
Wolves are getting traded to the East in two years, so I guess them
Sounds like the time for postseason’s second best team to go all in- go get him, Atlanta Hawks!
Don’t you even begin to suggest I’m not happy beyond words for KAT and every guy on this list. But KAT especially. Legitimately one of the best humans in the game, an absolute joy to watch. Seeing big purr get a ring brings me joy every time I think about it.
Wish he could’ve done it here, but of everyone on this list, KAT was still doing Wolves events and repping the team even after he was traded. Minnesota clearly means a lot to him and he means a lot to Minnesota.
No happy for KG
Minnesota fans: “What he say fuck me for?”
I mean he’s not wrong
KAT is more like our kid we helped raise who went off into the world and got married
Kat is like the foster kid/adopted son you took in when he was young and needed a stable home with love and support who reconnects with his biological parents when he turns adult and grows close to them.
You’ll always be connected to them and he will be grateful for you but you can’t give him that same bond that biological relations give.
So in the end you will be the ones getting annual christmas and holiday greeting cards from functions he spent with his old and new family.
Jeff Teague won a chip.
Solution is pretty simple.
Go and find the goth girl you scorned as a teen during spin the bottle/7mins in heaven and beg her to remove the hex.
If you’re lucky at some point she’ll go into her box of childhood keepsakes and take the pin out of the voodoo doll she previously made of you.
I will not call her again
Its even more simple. Just make out with goth girls, they’re hot and often pretty funny.
Include goth dudes and become a two-way player.
The Joe Smith not-contract?
We have been cursed way longer than that…
Excuse me an ex Knick has won the finals like every year for the last 20 years
They’re talking about stars not role players.
They were all stars to me. How dare you say that about david lee
that post seemed off
Yea my memory is awful these days but recent names that come to mind: hartenstein (and would have been Obi had the pacers won), Trevor ariza, jr smith x2, KP, Tyson chandler (man I loved him), Jermey Lin, Frye, Bobby Portis, david lee and I’m pretty sure there are a lot more
Sacramento is probably next in line for suffering franchise that badly needs a chip
Weirdly, that’s happened to me 3 times.
Was gonna say, this guy know my personal life? Good Luck Chuck was a documentary
I’m on 4.
Think my purpose is to take care of women until they find their husband.
Are you afraid of commitment by any chance? I have a buddy like this but being brutally honest he just wastes these women’s time until they can’t wait any longer and dump him so they can still biologically have kids
Possibly. That’s a reasonable explanation.
Oof. Sympathies man. I might’ve been on 4 too, but I’m pretty sure one of my exes had to have dated someone else after me before they eventually got married just based on the time elapsed alone.
I’m on 8 from what I know
Edit: up to 12
Edit 2: now yall got me investigating. up to 13, that was a big unexpected one!
At this point, you should start charging as a pre-matchmaking service
13 is crazy brother, you are either an anti-commitment warrior or the greatest marriage service on earth
“Imagine every woman you date.-“
You lost me.
Same
34 and gradually realizing I might just be on the asexual spectrum.
Good luck chuck
Didn’t think I’d have to scroll so far down to find this
Don’t forget the Vikings too!
Superbowl QB Sam Darnold!
And the Twins with David Ortiz
Brad Johnson was before him. Haha
Jimmy Butler doesn’t have a ring though so, good win there Wolves 🙏🏿
Nah but he’s went to the finals so it counts for something
I don’t see a ring on it so 🤷🏿♂️
ugh not only am I Minnesotan and have to deal with this in sports but that has also happened to me personally like 4 times. The girl I dated in 9th grade married the next guy she dated and it happened with a few other girls later in life too throughout college and adulthood. Bonus: the girl I dated in 11th grade had a baby with the next guy and a girl that rejected me in 7th grade (she was way out of my league) married the next guy she dated.
Shooting for the stars is a recipe for failure. You gotta look at yourself in the mirror, subtract one full point, and then target that.
I can’t believe espn found somone worse than Kendrick Perkins
Dude sucks but I gotta give him this one. That was pretty funny
Yeah, it made me chuckle, not sure why everyone is so miserable on… Reddit? Oh that explains it.
If any team is looking to go to the East, it’s the Timberwolves. They have lost to the eventual Western Conference champion for four straight seasons.
Um…. The Pels would like a word. Josh Hart, Jose, A.D, Jrue Holiday.
Why are people citing Wiggins as if he wasn’t universally panned for his play here and then left to carry a lowly Warriors team to a championship? He was a role player. Same with Love after he left. They were never, ever going to bring a title here.
Wiggins was the 2nd best player on the ‘22 championship run btw
He was a product of their system and thrived in it. Nobody was itching to build their team around Andrew Wiggins even after those playoffs.
That says more about Steph Curry than it does about Andrew Wiggins. I love him and the effort he put into getting that 22 chip, but with all due respect Wiggins is strongly in the running for worst 2nd option on any title team in history.
“worst 2nd option”…are you referring to his actual play during the 2022 playoff run or his player status/reputation?
Because in regards to his play that post-season, IMO Wiggins was pretty impactful and had major responsibility on both sides of the court. I’d argue he played as well if not better than Tatum and Brown, who were 1A and 1B for their team.
His actual playoff run. If you compare it to any other 2nd option for a title team, it comes up short.
Wiggins in that title run averaged 16.5⁄7.5⁄1.8 on 54% TS.
Meanwhile: Kat - 15.9⁄10.6⁄4.9 on 68% TS
Jwill - 21.4⁄5.5⁄4.8 on 54% TS
Jaylen Brown - 23.9⁄5.9⁄3.3 on 59% TS Or Jayson Tatum - 25.0/9.7⁄6.3 on 54% TS
Jamal Murray - 26.1⁄5.7⁄7.1 on 58% TS
Khris Middleton - 23.6⁄7.6⁄5.1 on 54% TS
Anthony Davis - 27.7⁄9.7⁄3.5 on 66% TS
Pascal Siakam - 19.0/7.1⁄2.8 on 54% TS
All of them blew him away in terms of combined rebounds and assists, and all of them either scored more, were more efficient, or both. He played good defense, but there’s arguably 6 better defenders on this list.
Wiggins played really well compared to what we expected from him, but the fact that Steph won a championship with him as his Robin is going to go down in history as an all-time great feat.
I think it’s just more that it has happened four times. Every trade was understandable except for Towns. And even then you can see why they did it.
But having multiple teams take primary pieces from your team and repurpose them in such a way that they win a chip within a year or two… is kind of a wild trend.
The Towns trade made complete sense. How the fuck would they know he would randomly improve so dramatically in a matter of months 10 fucking years in?
How did KAT improve so dramatically? Dude was a multiple time all star and all NBA with Minnesota and widely considered among the most offensively gifted big man in the league.
Shhh… Minnesota bad… haha funny.
Wow, I can’t believe the Timberwolves are the first team ever to have players leave and then win after that. Crazy stat, I guess
Well, Minnesota sports is cursed, so there’s that. How the Twins won 2 World Series is beyond me.
The Power Of Dazzlin’ Dan Gladden
But also let’s just ignore every single other player that has left and done nothing
Like Jimmy Butler?
Pelicans have more examples than y’all.
This has been the story of my life too so it’s double bad lol
Good luck chuck/Ted Mosby type situation
You’re
AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE THAT YOU DON’T LIKE MINNESOTA SPORTS
It’s not just basketball.
David Ortiz: Left Twins, won World Series.
Sam Darnold: Left Vikings, won Super Bowl.
Minnesota North Stars: Left the state, won Stanley Cup.
Turns out this actually happens to a bunch of teams… all of the time.
Ohtani left the angels and immediately won with the Dodgers. Tom Brady on the Bucs.
Moses Malone, Clyde drexler, Anthony Davis…
Incredibly, every single NBA championship team has had a former, current, or future Knicks.
I mean, if that kept happening to me I would probably take a step back from dating and do some work introspectively…
I mean it is funny to point out and us MN sports fans are used to the misery but the reality is this FO has nothing to do with previous ones, especially the KG days lol.
Are you suggesting disbanding the Timberwolves
I’m just suggesting maybe the Timberwolves get a counselor, find some hobbies outside the home, do some solo travel, revisit things that made them happy as a kid
revisit things that made them happy as a kid
Ahhh yes. The good ol’ days of almost moving to New Orleans.
Who the fuck is this clown with these all time shit takes?
Except legitimately most superstars that have left us to win something tends to actually look at us faovorably, even though we blindsided them. KAT sucks because it was mostly financial but the wolves had to persuade KG to waive his no clause.
It’s more like “imagine every woman you date you go on strong for years but then you get cold feet. She wants marriage you don’t. You talk it out like adults and decide the best solution is to amicably break up and stay as friends. The next dude she dates she marries”
Like cool? Are we supposed to be mad at KAT or KLove or KG for being willing to get traded? They put 120% in for our city, it didn’t work out (often times because Glen Taylor is a snake and a dirt bag), got coldly traded and still actively shouted us out in their celebratory speeches.
I don’t get the hate in this thread. If someone typed this out and posted it, it would get 3.8k upvotes and a hundred comments saying some variation of “this is prime off-season content.”
Who hurt this guy?
This is me finding out I’m the Minnesota Timberwolves :/
The Lakers use to be Minnesota’s team
Funny analogy but he has a point
If they don’t get a second star this offseason (which it doesn’t seem like they will get), Ant will want to go sooner than later. Their roster does not look that promising.
Jaden and Gobert are only going to do so much offensively. DDV isn’t playing next year. Randle might be the biggest player dropper in basketball.
I think Minnesota should make a gamble that would be unpopular amongst most of r/nba but I’m not sure they’d do it. Get Ja Morant
Funny how everybody but Ant seems to think Ant wants to leave Minnesota
Utah Jazz.
You’re*
Dude
Vince watched good luck chuck recently?
At least they don’t trade their stars or let them walk for nothing!
Damn, I guess everyone in here watched Good Luck Chuck.
I dunno, Sacramento had Mike Malone and he left and won a chip with Denver, then they fired Mike Brown and he left to win a chip in NY.
They just stating Good Luck Chuck movie plot as their content now.
Bruh this is funny af, uncommon ESPN W.
Jeezus, the analogy is sending me
No joke I had a string of 6 consecutive girlfriends where this happened. I married GF #7
how dare they say something so painful and true
This is the premise of the movie “Good Luck Chuck”
this unironically happened to me 4 times in a row.
Is your name Chuck?
Who is this baby faced piss ant?
ESPN training him to be the next SAS
I laughed
They’ll always have Jimmy Butler 🥲
Also first take should stop pretending to be analysis and just lean fully into sports comedy
It makes sense. When you start making dating comps like this it better be good or it gets awkward fast. This made sense tho
I’m still smh at his ‘participation trophy’ take tho
Who watches this shit?
What else are you supposed to do at Buffalo Wild Wings at 11AM?
They are the development team for other teams.
ESPN hires the most insufferable people
So the Timberwolves are Chuck from the movie Good Luck Chuck???
Stating the T Wolves are the same as a plot from an awful movie is very insulting lol
The Minnesota Always A Bridesmaids
Every time I see an NBA commentator I’m convinced I could be at least as dumb on TV
So it’s fitting that Ant Edwards is their star player.
Where do you all think Anthony Edwards ends up to finally win his championship?
Someone watched Good Luck Chuck from 2007.
That’s Paul George too
They should make a movie based on that idea.
Plot of Obsession 2