[The Onion] Celtics Attempt To Lure Giannis By Announcing Payton Pritchard His Brother Now
In an effort to entice Giannis Antetokounmpo to join the franchise, the Boston Celtics announced Tuesday that guard Payton Pritchard was now the two-time MVP’s brother. “We understand it would be difficult for Giannis to leave Thanasis and Alex behind in Milwaukee, but we want him to know his beloved brother Payton is already right here in Boston waiting for him,” said Celtics president of basketball operations Brad Stevens, adding that Antetokounmpo would surely remember Pritchard from their childhood in Greece, where the two siblings spent long summer afternoons playing basketball, sharing meals, and dreaming of one day winning a championship together in TD Garden.
“The Antetokounmpo brothers have a special bond, and that’s why we’re so excited to offer Giannis the rare chance to play meaningful minutes alongside Payton ‘Pritchard’ Antetokounmpo, the 6-foot-1 Nigerian Greek guard who has always been there for him since their boyhood. Unlike some of his other brothers, Payton is a key rotation player, so they’d get to be on the floor together all the time. Frankly, we think that kind of family connection is impossible to put a price on, though we are also prepared to offer draft picks.” Stevens added that if Pritchard’s brotherhood wasn’t enough to attract Antetokounmpo to Boston, the Celtics also currently have his first cousins Sam Hauser and Luka Garza on the roster.
https://theonion.com/celtics-attempt-to-lure-giannis-by-announcing-payton-pritchard-his-brother-now/