Rookie sharpshooter & Charlotte Hornets guard Kon Knueppel was asked to pick one historical figure to play one-on-one & he picked Jesus Christ:
“He might beat me… A conversation with him would be better, though”
Doubt he’d be very good. Would be a blowout
We all know Jesus was a system player. Crazy 12 man rotation, never see that in today’s game.
One of those 12 players highkey be betting against their own games though, throwing for the other team
Judas “Rozier” Iscariot
Jesus says, Judas don’t take the points.
“The Last Press Conference”
Jesus held a press conference to announce his retirement, only to put a message out to the media a few days later saying “I’m back”
When they checked the goon cave the women found that he had rizzen
This deserves upvotes
Jesus walking into Draft Kings HQ and flipping over tables
Giannis is the money lender in the temple now.
Lol. And Adam Silver all dressed up like Pontius Pilate
Iscari Terry
You need more love for this.
LeJudas
But it was all part of the script writers master plan for a Jesus 3peat
Does that make John Shams since he got to the tomb first?
This is hilarious because John absolutely took a ton of pride in being first and was ridiculously competitive, so yes
Got them the 1st round pick though. That Matthias guy was a hooper
Jesus played with fishermen and shepherds. Never cut it in today’s league.
His handle top tier tho, spent a lot of time on his cross
Fishermen = forwards, shepherds = point guards
You put Jesus in some hyper dunks, he’s jumping out of the gym. Guy learned to hoop in sandals, don’t let him get modern kicks on.
No shot, Jesus is getting crossed up before Kon nails the shot home. Wouldn’t be shocked if he missed like 3 days after getting put through it all
Come now, Jesus’s IQ and handling literally fed 5000. No shot Kon is able to outplay him. Plus you’re forgetting Jesus was able to handle a boulder, so it would present no difficulty for him to handle the rock
Crosses don’t break the J-man’s ankles. He’s got the best ankle insurance money can buy, Kobe would be proud.
Could work miracles with and without those 12 guys.
Eternal Champ of the Big 3
This sub keeps disrespecting the legends of the game smh.
“The return of Christ, who averaged 18.2 points and 7.3 assists per game during his 10-year NBA career, has excited success-hungry Hawks fans, who are calling Him the team’s “Savior.””
https://theonion.com/christ-returns-to-nba-1819563859/
Though some say the media led Christ to quit basketball, many contend He quit after being betrayed by teammate Kevin Willis during a 1994 Celtics-Hawks playoff game. With three seconds left and the Hawks trailing by one, Christ was wide open underneath the basket for an easy layup. Instead of passing to Christ, Willis took a wild shot from three-point range, missing the net completely. After the game, a visibly upset Christ stretched out His arms and said, “Kevin Willis, why hast thou forsaken me?” Despite the controversies, Hawks teammates and personnel are excited to have Christ back.
Though some say the media led Christ to quit basketball, many contend He quit after being betrayed by teammate Kevin Willis during a 1994 Celtics-Hawks playoff game. With three seconds left and the Hawks trailing by one, Christ was wide open underneath the basket for an easy layup. Instead of passing to Christ, Willis took a wild shot from three-point range, missing the net completely. After the game, a visibly upset Christ stretched out His arms and said, “Kevin Willis, why hast thou forsaken me?”
Despite the controversies, Hawks teammates and personnel are excited to have Christ back.
The fact that Jesus decided to quit before confronting Kevin Willis tells me everything I need to know about Kevin Willis
The funniest part of this article is how he’s a borderline All-Star who made it 3 times in 10 years averaging 18 and 7. I think that’s the funniest range of performance they could have put Him in. Just brilliant.
Of course it’s us.
That’s a great find man.
I remember picking this paper copy issue of The Onion off the newsstand at a pizza place in Madison, WI where The Onion is from.
It used to be so good
If he doesn’t trip on his robe, I bet he gets juked out of his sandals. The game has changed a lot in the last 2,000 years.
Not when he’s wearing his Jesus Force 1’s
Wearing it feels like walking on water
But he’s still got a killer cross.
Peter denied him 3 times, so he probably can’t finish at the rim very well.
Peter is the GOAT 3nD player that is why he is called “The Rock”.
Is that on God?
i mean the guy was decent back when he was playing against farmers and carpenters, nowadays we have elite athletes dedicated to the craft
I feel like hes an iso god, but in a 3v3 with paul and peter he keeps dishing it out to them and they cant hit a shot
JC rocking the Air Jerusalem 1s wins over Kon 11-2
historically he was only about 5’3” so i think K-Nips is gonna be a tough guard for the lord
The way this video is cut up is maddening and distracting as hell
It’s awful
Thought my phone was broken, shit is terrible
God forbid people have to experience even half a second of a pause between words these days. This level of brain rot editing is insane.
Took out all the “uhhhhh”s I guess
Took out every natural pause too. Unnerving. Hate that zoomer shit.
Feels like the norm these days. Drives me up a fucking wall
Him throwing in “he could walk on water!” like you just remembered a random superhero’s power is sending me though
I am so over musicians, actors, and especially athletes telling me about Jesus. Do you think none of us have heard of the guy and you just happen to be the only one to tell us??
I grew up evangelical, so I know exactly why they do it. I’m just over it
I mean, he’s just answering the question. If Kon truly believes Jesus is who he thinks Jesus is, then yeah that makes sense he’d want to hang with him
Craziest thing he said is that he thinks 5’3 Jesus might beat him in a pickup game
if the dude can walk on water and come back from the dead, I’d trust he can drain a few three’s
I could watch Jesus fully feed 5,000 people with 5 loaves of bread with my own eyes and my money would still be on 6’6 Kon blocking the shit out of any shot he might take lol
Good luck dribbling with those holes in his hands.
You don’t think Jesus has a mean cross?
You nailed that one
I mean a 5’3 Muggsy clamped Jordan, it’s possible
Then there’s Wemby telling people he’s gonna make them humble.
God forbid he answer the question he was asked😂
Tbh with you IMO it’s sacrilegious to say Jesus in these takes. If you really read the word and read the Sermon on the Mount, it’s abundantly clear that just invoking names are not spells. You’re not gaining “points” by saying the name Jesus in every interview. It’s not what you say at all. It’s what you DO.
It’s not a club. It’s not a membership. It’s not a cult. It’s following Jesus, something that those who follow should take close to heart with a sacred tone. Doing this stuff cheapens Jesus’s ministry IMO. It’s awful.
Lord’s name in vain…
Honestly I respect this take. I am no longer religious, but I would much prefer to live in a world where Christians thought more like you do. And I agree, I think treating Jesus as a shoutout kinda defeats the whole point.
It’s taken a lot of thought and learning myself to arrive to this place along my journey, more to come I’m sure.
People would benefit from reading the word rather than attending church like it’s some kind of timeshare seminar, sit for an hour then hang out with friends and eat/drink.
I think having community and fellowship is absolutely essential and I can’t control the behavior or mindset of another believer. As much as I would like to teach, they actually have to take responsibility to learn. It’s not my relationship with Jesus, it’s their own personal one. I don’t know their heart, but God does. All I can do is talk, and show.
To sum it up, it’s like those praying in public - they’ve already received their reward.
I don’t see why you’re getting so upset about his own personal beliefs. He’s not saying YOU have to choose Jesus. He’s saying HE would choose Jesus.
That’s more authentic than making something up because some people happen to be super sensitive about it.
Your point is valid but at the same time I understand the fatigue of athletes constantly pushing their religious beliefs onto people. If you believe in god that’s fine, I just don’t want to hear about it all the time.
It especially feels performative for this question because they are a million better answers than Jesus. We all know he’d be getting crossed up in those goofy ass sandals
What part of this video comes off as him “pushing” his religious beliefs onto you? Not trying to argue, just genuinely curious.
While I do think this is an odd answer to a silly question, I also think it’s his prerogative. I also don’t see why it should be his issue in worrying about others hearing about Jesus if he mentions him. There are plenty of things all of us see or hear about just as much on this app when we open it up. It’s just making a conscious decision not to interact on it if it’s that bothersome to you. To be fair, I’ve seen way more Trump and Obama posts in this subreddit in the last 36 hours. It doesn’t really phase me, I just choose not too interact if I don’t care to get into the politics at that specific moment because I’m doing my post work scroll and want to decompress.
Fr guy is flipping out over nothing. Peak reddit lol
I sincerely doubt Americans would even tolerate Jesus if he presented himself irl. He’s not the white toga wearing shimmering hair idol evangelists cream their pants over. He was allegedly a judean carpenter 🤣
But what does that have to do with Kon?
Let me build a time machine and tell Kon to answer big chungus instead so he can be Reddit’s sweetheart
A reporter asks a question. Athlete answers question to his liking. You = I am tired of people answering questions however they want to!
Its such a boring fucking answer
“I’m so over Christians telling me about their faith” brother people talk about what’s important to them and Jesus obviously is to him
Religion mentioned*
Reddit: 😡
Even as a Christian myself, I don’t mind people not believing in God or being an atheist. Still, people on here act like a famous person committed a serious crime whenever they make one mere mention of God or Jesus Christ lol. Just let people believe what they want to believe.
It’s the right-wing version of virtue-signaling. They’re taught when they’re little boys that slathering themselves in god will get them lovebombed & fawned over. “What a good young man!” Some of them stay little boys forever & never grow out of it.
CJ Stroud is the current standard-bearer for this annoying archetype.
Athletes sure do love them some god
Because they believe they are god’s gift to the world.
To be fair, there is a former St John’s player who is
Precious Achiuwa’s parents must have thought their kids were the greatest thing known to man based on their names. Grace is the only normal one there. We’ve got
Promise Achiuwa
God’sgift Achiuwa
Grace Achiuwa
Peace Achiuwa
God’swill Achiuwa
I think that kind of naming is fairly common in Nigeria.
This is absolutely wild. Like so wild I thought it was some sort of copypasta. What the hell people
It just looks weird because its in Modern English but what do hell do we think Daniel, Michael, Joseph or Muhammad, Khalid, and Kareem all mean? This type of naming custom had been common throughout history.
I mean if I was a peak athlete at the pinnacle of health and physical well being, tall, strong, physically imposing, making millions of dollars playing a children’s game and constantly having a long line of people waiting for any opportunity to be my friend or romantic partner or hell even just the chance to pay me hundreds of dollars for my signature… well I might be liable to think there’s someone up there looking out for me as well.
They think all their success is evidence of god existing and answering their prayers.
I was thinking that a couple weeks ago when every Seahawks player doing a post game interview thanked god first.
Bradley Beal after every game: First and foremost I’d like to thank my Lord and savior Jesus Christ
And Redditors sure do hate it
The most annoying self-victimizing Christian you know leaves this comment in every thread about Jesus
Athletes are not known for their education level or IQ, which directly correlate with religiosity.
Seriously he knew Jesus wasn’t really a fitting answer to the question but that sure didn’t stop him trying to force him in there.
What a letdown, was really hoping for an “If I could go back in time and make anybody tap out, it’d be Jesus” Kurt Angle rant.
“I hope the US loses the war in Iraq”
The greatest country in the world is France
Kon: “Famous historical figure you would play one-on-one?”
Reporter: “I’d fight Ghandi”
Good answer
Everyone accepts everyone until it’s time to accept everyone
All I’m saying is that if we took this seriously and time traveled Kon to 1st-century Judea, all of the little 5’5 brown-skinned dark-haired men speaking the dead language of Aramaic would see the 6’6 pale-skinned blue-eyed blonde-haired Kon Knueppel speaking an unknown language while wearing his teal-colored silken robes while carrying a perfectly shaped orange orb (both of which feature mysterious writing unknown to them), they’d be absolutely terrified and easily assume Kon was some kind of deity. Like, I’m not saying Yeshua/Jesus did or didn’t exist, but there were quiet a few known examples of men from that time period claiming to be divine and alls I’m sayin is that if some little carpenter from that era was walking around talking shit about being the son of god and then suddenly saw Kon approaching, they’d definite be thinking it was Yahweh himself there to collect their soul. If Kon tossed a 1st-century Judea man a basketball, he’d probably fall to his knees and scream out in fear. They 100% would start a new religion based on the worship of Kon Knueppel.
On the flip side, if you time traveled a 1st-century carpenter from Judea to present day Times Square New York, if he didn’t immediately drop dead from a cardiac arrest of seeing all the bright lights, massive buildings, cars, technology, etc, nobody would be able to understand his panicked ramblings and ICE would probably just deport him to Mexico. I’ve always imagined that from there he’d befriend a Mexican man named Jesús and together they’d start a little boutique Upholstery shop called “Jesus and Jesús Upholstery” somewhere in a quiet beachside town along the Gulf of America.
Ok but let’s be honest if Jesus was born in present day with new generation training he would be a problem
Yeah this is why you can’t compare eras… Jesus had a freakin ox and donkey as delivery nurses
Lord help him if Jesus crosses him up.
You’re confusing the chicken with the egg.
I think Kon would win, Jesus like he’d be pretty easy to cross up.
But offensively, you know he’s nailing his shots.
I don’t care if you can walk on water, nobody can defend in the modern NBA in those sandals.
This was the joke that he was setting up but was PR trained out off
Dude was 5’5 and 85 pounds soaking wet. My mother could post him up.
“Are you saying Jesus Christ can’t hit a fastball?”
Ahh Jesus Christ. I like him very much.
but He no help with curveball.
Curveball*
It was a curveball, not a fastball.
He hit a bases empty Grand slam
Can jesus christ throw a fastball so fast that he himself could not hit it????
A Harris you don’t have to start a holy war now! Or something like that
What a Kornball
this thread is peak Reddit
this comment is peak reddit too. appears in every single one of these threads lol
you are not wrong
Leave it to Reddit to make this post controversial lol.
Shit talking the editing should be encouraged though. Abysmal.
Whoever made this better be praying to Jesus cuz he has it coming after this disgrace
So far in my scroll to this comment none are controversial. Most are just jokes.
Funny enough, comments like yours are the only ones I ever see at the top in threads like this.
Makes you wonder.
Reddit atheists gotta be the easiest people in the world to rile up lmao
“God bless you”
“THERE IS NO GOD!”
Me when I create hypotheticals to get mad at
It’s not hypothetical it happens in every thread where Jesus is mentioned lmao
I mean that shit happens all the time
Honestly. They can’t handle the idea or see any of the positives in Christianity.
I’m an atheist and frankly I find like 80% of other atheists completely insufferable.
Lol y’all getting ragebaited by this?……..
I’m getting boredbaited
The classic.
its the way he says JA-SUS like a numbskull
bring Jesus back, ask him about Israel
ICE would pick him up first and call him a false prophet
You ain’t Jesus! You are brown!
He flipped the moneychangers tables
He’d get crucified real quick.
Let the man love god if he wants. May not be everyone’s cup of tea but no need to mock him for being honest.
It just comes off as phony honestly, but thanks for that r/rimjob_steve
Follows MJTG Candace Owens and the likes so yeah its phony and hypocritical. People have the right to shit on him. Just a reminder I dont expect smart nuanced informative takes from athletes but people are allowed to mock the hypocritical shit.
They’re so brainwashed.
As someone not from the US it’s so bizarre the amount of Jesus soliciting these American athletes do in every interview.
Your religious beliefs are entirely irrelevant to your athletic ability.
“First off all glory to god, man…” gets tiring after a billion times lol
The best part is that the majority that do this are horrible human beings
Jon Jones thanking god every fight but beating up his wife on the regular and hit and running a pregnant woman too lol.
I agree but it’s def not just a US thing. Plenty of soccer players from around the world reference god in every interview.
Yeah I’m a big soccer fan as well and I’ve seen this, Kakà back in the day was really big about Jesus haha
Christians here are such a bizarre group. They simultaneously view themselves as an oppressed group, who also has a literal mission form God to convert everyone in the country, and when they get push back or people tell them to stop it validates their feelings of oppression.
This isn’t exclusively an American thing at all, and who cares? I’m an atheist, but religion always has been and always will be a thing. Call out people who use religion for evil. Otherwise, mind your own business
They asked a historical figure dude how is that relevant to basketball?
Plus regardless of religious belief Jesus is widely considered a historical figure. Would you have the same issue if he mentioned a philosopher?
Edit: this isn’t a defense of Christianity and the philosopher parallel is intentional. Regardless of your beliefs on Christianity. Even if he wasn’t the son of god then he was at least arguably the most influential moral philosopher of all time.
I would absolutely prefer that he call out Aristotle for a 1v1 tbh
I would wanna see him call out Diogenes. He had that dog in him
Sun Tzu would’ve broken his ankles with his shake n bake
Some of the comments in here are reminding me of that one post in r/nfl where a guy said that central time was perfect for football because he could finish church before football started and a bunch of people were commenting how they were downvoting him because he was going to church.
Central time needs more love man. We and the Mountain time people too. Tired of having to convert EST or PST to CST.
Why does everyone need to hate Jesus let the man live lmao
He can let himself live, right?
Hey, he’d be named Esus if he didn’t have a killer J!
Jesus rose from the dead, you don’t think he’d rise over Kon and poster this mfer?
oh boy incoming reddit neckbeard mental gymnastics about how he’s promoting kids dying or something
are you good bro
Man this site throws a fit when people talk about God or Jesus. Bunch of neckbeards
Based. This is going to upset Redditors.
Grady Dick’s answer was better:
“Jesus Chriist”
“Why Jesus?”
“Just cool to see if he can… flyy”
Jesus was like 5’4” I think I’m taking Kon
And middle eastern. Kon would ask for security.
Let the raging begin 🤩
Jesus Shuttlesworth or Jesus Alvarado?
I can’t believe no one in here is talking about Ray Allen. Thank you.
Funny how tolerant and accepting redditors are when it comes to christianity or religion in general
Say what you mean. Stop with the passive aggression.
This is peak deflection. Why does his comment bother you enough to respond? Based off your other comments on this thread it has nothing to do with his passive aggression, you’re just an angry atheist who PMS’s over any mention of a God.
Jesus is pretty easy to cross so it would be a wipe
I mean duh wouldn’t we all? Jesus Christ has been depicted of breaking Satan’s ankles. Who’s to say what he would do to lowly humans like us?
Nah, Jesus got hung up after a basic cross. He’s got no game.
i doubt he would understand jesus.
I didn’t know Kon could speak ancient Aramaic.
God why is reddit so miserable whenever literally anyone mentions jesus
Y’all saw the number of siblings the man has, right? I don’t know why y’all are annoyed by this
People here are getting mad cuz of him answering a question. I used to think reddit was a forum of smart, sarcastic people but in reality, are easily mad and are dumb
Look, I don’t really care. It’s such a nothing burger. But I can see why people are irritated.
Imagine a book, musical artist, movie series, or tv series that you find annoying. Maybe something like Twilight, or Taylor Swift, or Friends. Idk what you’re into.
Now imagine that like half of the population are super fans and just constantly bring it up all the time no matter the context, derailing conversations. Don’t you think you’d find that annoying?
Do you think the holes in Jesus’ hands mess with his follow through?
Jesus couldn’t even defend himself from getting his hands nailed. It’s going to be a Kon blowout
Jesus let himself be crossed #notmygoat
Jesus would smoke this dude
Reddit hates Christians, nothing outta the ordinary to see
Is it just me or has there been way more players bringing up religion this season?
I don’t see the son of God missing a shot, or playing anything other than impeccable defense, immaculate even. Jesus 11 - this guy 0.
Jesus couldn’t defend the backdoor cut from Judas though
You know Jesus is gonna be pissed when he realises he wasted a resurrection on a game of basketball.
Good man.