Add boxing ring ropes around the court & let Draymond jump from the top rope 

Actual raptor pit

Shoot a beam into the eyes of a random player every 30 seconds.

As suns fan, they gotta play outside in Arizona sun

Can we get no foul calls for a quarter against Beef Stew and Ron Holland? 

Houston should add a random-ass hill at one side of the court as an homage to the one the Astros used to have in center field. Everyone loves an abrupt elevation change!

Bats.

Slot machines in Michael Jordan’s honor

BEEEEEEEEES!!!!!!!

Pelicans court has potholes, of course.

Actual Utahns playing jazz

A midget with a cane running out to midcourt and kneecapping your best player.

Protesters directly in front of the opponents bench

Large nets fall from the ceiling at Barclays. If a player gets captured you have a 2 minute 4 on 5 power play

Insta/onlyfans baddies entire court side row

No bench for visiting teams

every once in a while the thunder have a thunder sound effect like at the rain forest cafe and also does a mist of water like the grocery stores to their vegetables

Concealed carry permit for Ja

Localized punji spikes for defensive 3 seconds.

You have to have a 10 minute-long conversation with a tech bro about AI and cryptocurrency. Opponents will be rattled

No air conditioning

You can’t enter the court unless you’ve consumed 10 ghost pepper wings

Draymond Green

It’s a well known secret that AWAY teams have to walk up a 5 Story entrance ramp to their locker rooms in MSG. I’m surprised no players ever complain about it

Real wolf.

Center court is actually a sphere of churning plasma.

a pace car shows up and tries to run over players

Racism

Tesla coils

replicas of josh hart’s thumb poking out of the away team’s bench seats

We could have an actual wizard like fucking Gandalf and we’d still lose.

Fans get to throw chicken nuggets at opposing players during free throws.

Fountain at center court

A ball pit under the basket

Get us an actual Wizard that casts a shield spell over the basket on the other team’s side!

Bad Botox syringes

A switch, randomly placed for one game a season on the court that activates once an opponent steps on it, opening a portal that sucks in the opposing team (coaching staff included) into another dimension where they are never to be heard from again.

The panels over the ice are left off under the visiting teams bench

Not my team, but if I’m a Hornets fan, a release button that releases trained hornets that stings non-Hornet players.

an odorless gas that makes miles bridges see your best scorer as a love interest

Move the court outside or take off the roof, and only game time is at 1pm. Preferably on a blacktop

Make the Phoenix Suns and their opponents play under the Phoenix sun.

I want an arena with a 12 foot ceiling. Dunks only

Opposing players have to be officially listed as Pelicans players for the duration of the game.

So the curse applies to them.

Pacers have their games at Indianapolis motor speedway. Racers randomly take turns throughout the game taking practice laps. Feels like a solid home court advantage when our guys actually figure out the patterns. Just a matter of how many we lose while figuring it out.

Not hazardous really, but for Utah I would say to play a game in a church building. Play some Mormon “church ball”

Fans get to bring batteries to the arena

Miami Heat would have the rims be hot af so when you dunk you get burned.

Isaiah Stewart

Cowbells that play the brown note

Dunkies drive through at center court

I’m a Spurs fan, but I live in LA.

I have a similar answer for the Lakers and Spurs.

In LA, big ass tiddies attached to the most beautiful, toxic, psychotic women in the world.

And put them all around in all the floor seats and every eyeline with a hidden Underground Railroad tunnel into the visiting locker room.

In San Antonio, churros and the big ol’ San Antonio women that love them.

Flood the zone with the smell of freshly made churros and big bootied latinas. Courtside seats with be big bootied Latin women eating fresh churros the whole game.

They’ll be wiping that churro dust off their titties the whole game. We’ll get Mark Anthony and Bad Bunny and all those mariachi dudes who flirt with every titty with a pulse to play music and throw in BhadBabie roving around the arena causing chaos.

We’ll put in a reinforced vent system like in Die Hard in the visiting locker room.

So these brothers will be in there and they’ll notice shit dropping on them and they’ll be like wtf, why is sugar and cinnamon dropping from the sky and they’ll look up and see Sugar and Cinnamon looking down at them and they’ll parachute in and run roughshod through the opposing front court while the back court runs through them.

We’ll also make all the water fountains dispense Modelo.

Mickey Mouse kidnaps someone at halftime

Zaza as a floor wiper between possessions.

Chase Center Arena walls pop up right at the edge and to sub you have to jump down and jump back up, no out of bounds calls and you can use the wall to bounce off of

My cousin Nadia.

Bailout era Chevy captiva in front of the visiting locker room door

Nuggets build an enormous mountain wall between either side of the court. Teams have to climb up that shit every time a possession changes hands. Nuggets get climbing gear and the guest team doesn’t. Seems legit

The spiked wheel at the end of the Spurs logo should be real and sticking up out of the floor for players to trip/impale themselves on.

The Warriors would install Draymond Green 😤

Opponents nets are on fire

So we talking like nonsensical or “this can work, at least in terms of the physics”?

If its the latter, then just give Spike exclusive rights trip people and/or throw things at people.

I have noticed a significant increase in seemingly bot posts of leading questions in this sub, just like those political posts in r/askreddit

Squeaky, untuned Saxophones next to the opponents bench

the heat play outside on concrete 

Play every home game using the play in games court.

November 19, 2004 Ron Artest.

AD’s wheelchair can shoot missiles

Hot dogs instead of gum at the scorers table

I feel like Ball Arena already has this with the oxygen

Erm did you know that Denver is actually a mile high, and teams might struggle with the altitude 🤓

We have Doc Rivers. That’s hazardous enough.